You look forward to hearing about your child’s day at school. The test they got an A on, the song they learned in choir, the book they discovered to be unforgettable.
You don’t look forward to hearing that they saw a fellow student get bullied by a group of 20 kids.
But that is exactly what happened on Friday and my amazing daughter and her two girlfriends came to this boy’s rescue. It was lunch and they heard a bunch of shouting and a crowd gathering. They went and saw in the middle of this crowd was a fellow student being dragged, kicked, his glasses being taken and names being shouted at him. No one was doing anything to help. No one, that is, until my daughter and her two best pals jumped in the middle of the herd and shouted at them to stop. Distracting the group enough so that the boy could crawl away.
My daughter ran to get help from an adult — a yard aid — and instead she got a disinterested, passive grown up waving her off until she finally got him to follow her. By that point the crowd had dispersed and the boy was taken to the nurse. And that was that.
As my daughter relayed this to me she was in tears, angry, scared and concerned.
What happened to him, mama? I didn’t see him in class at the end of the day? Is he okay? Why was I more of the grown up than the grown up?
I had no answer. What I did have was the ability to write a letter to the school and arrange for a meeting where I plan to raise a little mommy hell.
I was so proud of my daughter and her two friends for their courage to stand up to a group of bullies. But I was equally sad that she had to even witness this.
All that goes through my mind is that that is someone’s child. And those kids who were kicking him? They’re someone’s children too.
I remember when I was in middle school picking on a girl with two of my friends. I don’t even remember why we were doing it but I remember as I was doing it I was hating myself. I was an angry, insecure, confused child who had secrets at home that tortured me and I took that torture out on this person. I will never forget the look on the girl’s face as I called her names. It haunted me. Years later I made amends to that person.
Perhaps those children who bullied that boy have secrets. Perhaps they went home hating themselves. Perhaps finding a way to have compassion for them is the best solution.
Kindness always outweighs hate.
And that’s what I told my daughter. Compassion… not acceptance, not even forgiveness at this stage, but compassion for what they must not have at home. For what they aren’t sharing. For what they don’t know. And maybe they will be haunted by what they did… and grow.
And the boy?
At the same time he was experiencing hate… thanks to you, baby, he knew kindness.
And that someone’s child… is mine.
Very inspirational story. I testament to her being raised to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable.
thank you! i am so proud of her!
Thank God for your brave and compassionate daughter. She and her two friends will continue to lead by example. Bless you for all you have done to make her this way Susan.
thanks, kelly. the mama’s of the other two girls are pretty awesome too! xoxo
Good for you for not letting it end there. Your daughter and her friends have learned how to deal with bullies but other kids (and aides) need to as well. There are great programs out there to address these issues and everyone at the school needs to be fully supportive of these efforts.
thanks, janet! i agree 100 percent.
So sorry – and alarmed – to hear about this happening at school. Very proud of H for her bravery and integrity. Concerned to hear how your concern is met by admin.
thanks, kelly! i won’t shut up until i know the school has fully handled this incident.
And now I have tears in my eyes. Bless you, Susan, and your lovely daughter. We are ALL someone’s children. I don’t understand why it is so easy to forget that, sometimes.
i know… hopefully this column helped people remember… even for just a day. xo
Beautifully told. Go raise some hell!
thanks, colette! i did and will continue to!
Those are my girls! So very proud. It ‘s a credit to how the girls were raised. Glad they were not just bystanders.
how they were raised… and having amazing teachers in their lives such as you, my dear!
What an amazing daughter you have! I pray that mine would be able to stand up for someone else in that type of a situation. Unfortunately, so far, my daughter is the one getting picked on.
thank you so much. i’m so sorry to hear your daughter is picked on. i hope she has one kind child in her corner… that’s sometimes all it takes.
Please post an update on how the school responded. One of the reason this situation keeps happening is that adults don’t respond immediately. The bullies parents should be made to go through anti-bullying seminars with their kids.
i will! i already spoke to the principal and she immediately got into it. i have a meeting tomorrow with the school. i won’t let this go until i know some action is taken!
“Compassion… not acceptance, not even forgiveness at this stage, but compassion for what they must not have at home.”
This. This is what moved me most.
I am impressed with the girls who stood up to the group. It’s hard. As a child, I watched others who wanted to stand up for me, but didn’t know how and were afraid, too.
cyndi, thank you. i’m sorry you were bullied… all we can do is share our experience, strength and hope, right? thank you, for your insight.
Thanks for sharing your inspirational story! You are a beautiful writer. My little one just started kindergarten and already she has come to the realization that some kids are just mean! It makes me sad that she now has to step outside our safe, little world and into one where I can not always be there to protect her. I do take pride in knowing that is NOT one of the mean kids. I have taught her above all else to always be kind! Plea to all parents: Please teach your children to be kind!!!
thanks, mindy. i remember when my girl started kindergarten like it was yesterday. letting go is the hardest part of being a parent. what i do know is there are far more good people in the world than bad. more kindness than hate. all we can do is love them, teach them and be present. thanks again so much for your comment!
Oops, meant to say that “she” is NOT one of the mean kids.
Your daughter and her friends are true hero’s. That little boy won’t forget them; although he maybe to shy to say anything. I’m proud of the girls for jumping into a group of boys without being afraid of what could happen to them – some girls would shy away. Thank you Susan, for being the kind of parent that has these conversations with your child and instills values and morales in them!
thanks, traci! i am so proud of these girls too! brave, indeed!
UHmmm…. I LOVE your daughter and she may possibly be the COOLest chick in these parts!! I, of course, expect nothing less from her and know how amazing she is as an individual!! Thank you for sharing, and am looking forward to continue reading your blog. 🙂
uhmm… we love you, meghan! you are one of those teachers that changed my daughter’s life forever! thank you for being truly one of the most inspirational teachers around!
So heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. Brought tears to my eyes. So very thankful for the girls and their families. It’s so wonderful that the girls won’t live with the regret of not doing anything, they know that they did exactly what they were supposed to do. And that precious boy knows that he is valued enough for someone to stand up to a group and help him.
thanks, melissa! i am truly grateful that boy knew kindess in the midst of all that bullying.
So powerful. When will people stop trying to mend themselves by breaking others? So glad Hannah and her friends were there for this child.
thanks, tammy. you are a powerful presence in my daughter’s life. xo
This brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine the terror the boy was feeling and am so glad your daughter and her friends were courageous. I am horrified that this child was being tortured by his peers. We hear about bullying, but this seems to be worse than that. I am so disheartened that the adult that your child called upon was so unresponsive. Is this an isolated case or is this the way things are at most schools? I am afraid to think that it might be. I am so very glad you are not letting it go. My impression is that most school district’s are required to have a bullying policy,but perhaps this is not the case throughout the US. Please do not rest until you are satisfied. thank you for posting this and hugs to you and your daughter.
thanks, liz. it is very upsetting and i promise i will stay on this!
What brave girls! Terrifying, sad, angry, unbelievable lack of response from ‘responsible’ adult. You go raise that mommy hell, Susan! Brings to mind the recent clips of Malala on Jon Stewart… Have you seen it? And did you know that October is bullying awareness month? Xxoo
thanks, yvette! i did see malala on jon stewart — she took my breath away! i did not know it was bullying awareness month… clearly awareness is very much needed. xo
Thank you for posting that, Susan. As a good friend of all three moms, and I’m as proud of you as a parents as I am of the girls. They did the right thing because they knew what that was. Strength and resoluteness as you stand up for what is right… xx
thanks, amber! i’m proud of them (and the other mama’s) too! xo
Hi Susan – is there any more update? Any word on what action the school is taking yet? Were those that perpetrated it identified? Congratulations to you and the other parents for raising kids brave enough to make a difference.
i’m very pleased to report that i have spoken to the principal, the vice principal, the school counselors and teachers and they took immediate action. they are dealing with the kids involved, the families and have already placed more school aides on the yard. here’s to being heard! today one of the teachers even read my column to the class (my daughter was very proud). thanks for reading and asking, antony!
And that child is also mine. Remember when you were in junior high school and you took on the whole school bus for bullying a mentally challenged boy? I was very proud of you then and am even more now!!!
thanks, sharon!
THANK YOU so much for raising a caring, compassionate child. With all the has been in the news lately, I really needed to read this today. Your daughter and her friends are awesome! And so are you! I’ll be interested to hear how the meeting goes at school.
I’m going to share this with The Mom Pledge Community, where we are working to set the right example for our kids, just like you obviously have.
thank you, elizabeth! your words are so kind! the school is taking action and i am so proud that my daughter, her friends, and a little mommy hell shook up the school and made them step up! there really is power in doing what’s right. thanks again so much for your wonderful comment!
Hi Susan,
Thank you for all you contribute to this world….through your wonderful writing and through the amazing young woman you’re raising. I am proud to know both of you, and I’m not surprised one bit that sweet Hannah showed such compassion. I remember defending someone in middle school who was in a special ed class. It was hard, but the rightness outweighed the “hardness”. I send my love to both of you!
thanks, vicki! you were such a great light of joy for hannah when she came to work with me! xoxo
I was so moved by your post and the courage of your daughter. You brought up so many issues – the bullying, the number of children involved, the compassion and courage of your daughter and her friends, the lack of response of the aid, the homelife of these kids. We as parents and teachers must be vigilent to root out this terrible scourge of bullying. Thanks for sharing this remarkable story.
thank you, bev, so much for you kind words! i’m so proud of my daughter and her friends… and all the people out there that do what’s not always easy but right.
Thank you Susan, as the mother of a special needs child, that is always one of my worst fears, and to know in this day, when we don’t typically hear of the good our youths do, that there are brave, compassionate children out there willing to do the right thing. You are a good momma!!! And as always, have me bawling my eyes out!! Thanks Hanna and friends :).
thank you, jen! i’m so glad my column touched you. i have no doubt you’re a good mama too!
Thank you for sharing this story! The bravery of those three girls is inspiring! I’m so glad they have had the positive influences in their lives (family, teachers, friends) to help guide them. Still, it must have been terrifying! I’m glad you’ll be raising some hell at the school to make sure that doesn’t happen again. The adults at the school must be there to protect the kids! So disturbing!
thanks, sarah! i’m grateful this column has reached so many people. the school has taken action and i couldn’t be more proud of my daughter!
Thank you so much for a beautiful and inspiring post. It is so troublesome to me that the grownup your daughter went to, was so unwilling to get involved at first. We teach our kids to find a “safe adult” and so many times it’s an adult that drops the ball. Bravo for raising a wonderful person, you should be very proud. And raise mommy-hell because until we do, these administrators, etc. don’t even know how to properly respond to bullying.